Running free with the dead in Ukraine

I have been in Ukraine now for 11 days traveling from Kiev to Odessa, Dnipropetrovsk and back to Kiev. It has been a work trip. And by that I mean we have been working our asses off meeting with folks, having trainings, and just getting from one place to another. Not time for much else. Today was our first day off. The weather was warmer and sunny  and I took the chance to go running through the park and I have to share my thoughts with you.
I was the lone runner in the streets. Seems that the running craze has not really hit Ukraine yet. So yes, I was the nutty American running through the streets complete with Ipod.
As I passed the people taking their Sunday strolls I started to reflect on the people I had been meeting and the situations I have been hearing about. And then I started to think about my people. My ancestors. My grandmother, Agnes, in particular. She wanted to be a missionary at one point in her life but decided not to do it and married my grandfather instead, to be his wife and have his children (my father and my uncle and two other babies that did not survive). He was a pretty abusive alcoholic and absent alot of the time and it seemed my grandmother was to be a missionary in her own family. I thought about her and how blown away and proud she would be of me. To see her granddaughter running through a park in Kiev.
I thought about my great aunts who suffered from mental illness all their lives (probably no more than severe depression or alcoholism?) and how small their world was because that illness.
I thought of all of my people who had suffered from poverty or mental illness or addiction and how much they had struggled and had not had the chance to run free in a park. And I don't just mean physically free - I mean mentally free. I am so damn lucky and blessed and work my ass off. But in that moment I felt so humbled by all the people before me that made it happen. I felt so much love for my family, my friends, my animals, my colleagues - all of these beings who help support me and keep me sane and sober. So many of my people just didn't even have a chance to even THINK about doing some of the things I get to do.
And then I thought about Kiev - Ukraine. And where I was running. Cause lets be honest folks, there is just a whole lot of change and work and suffering that has gone on for it to even be possible for this nutty woman to run through their park.
I don't mean to sound as if it was some dramatic crazy kind of moment, cause it really wasn't. It all just flowed together very naturally as I continued to run and these few really gentle tears of gratitude rolled down my cheeks.
There are a few moments in my life when I feel like I really get how much freedom I have and what it has taken to get here.
Today, running with the dead was one of them.
It is good to feel loved and free.
 

Comments

[karenelaine]

I'm not sure if you remember me, but this is Karen Moldovan.  I worked with you some w/ SCAPW and the SC Women's Choice Fund probably five or six years ago...   Anyway, i just finished reading Jessica Valenti's book "Feministing" and ran into a couple of quotes from you.  I thought i would goggle you and see what you are up to!  What sort of work are you doing in the Ukraine?!  Are you still active w/ the SC Women's Choice Fund?!  I'd love an update if you get a chance:)   Check out my blog and get in touch!  Would love to catch up- tongablog.wordpress.com.  Hope all is well!